random!

hey!

I guess everyone in the class or some of my friends must be wondering why i'm giving ping-pong ball keychains around? Well...well...well... let me clarify this:

The purpose of giving my bashmates and friends is a token to show my blessings for the coming Prelims and 'A' levels since they are coming around the corner. The different color of bell classified different groups of people. So you all figure it out yourself bah...

I actually hope that those who received the keychain could hang it up on ur bags but nevertheless, anywhere will do la. It's your property anyway! You want to burn it, drink it, cut it, play with it or fantasize with it...up to you! Even though i witness act of vandalism of my precious ping-pong balls, but again it is your property. You should learn to have a sense of ownership!

While doing the keychains, I managed to do some soul-searching. Don't know why, it just hit me so badly last night while mugging for mock-prelim history paper. I just realised that I have not achieved much for this entire 2 months (to be precise). Times fly so fast! It's already 13th of August!

GOD DAMN IT! IT'S GOD DAMN FREAKING 77 days to the first 'A' level paper!

I have already cut my commitment to bare minimum which is no ping pong, no tuition, no adventures etc... but guess what? Why always when I am not avaliable opportunites just appear to be at my doorsteps? Invitation dinners, BGM, vocational assessment, NDP, National Day Rally, tons of exchange programmes.......I hate rejection! But I really need to get used to rejection.

Today history paper was totally screwed! 1 source-based question and 3 essays. To my horror, I could answer any of the essays questions despite flipping high and low for a question which i could answer confidently.

Question can be like:

"The Arab-Israeli conflict was a debacle that the Arabs started and perpetuated. How accurate is this statement?"

"To what extent would you agree with the view that the 1947 and 1965 conflicts between Iran and Pakistan were due mainly to Pakistian provocation".

WTF is the first word that came to my mind! Followed by all the vulgar words you can think of!
My introduction is like...Third World Debts reached a great height of....On one hand, it is the .....On the other hand....Having evaluated both argument,..... After writing crap for all the questions, i left a solid 45 minutes which I just stared blanky at my scripts. That's the time where i continued my soul-searching. "What if this happened to my A(s)?"

Seriously, i should have realised the seriousness and tune to 'desirable' studying mood by hook or by crook! On the other hand, I am really touched with my beloved history tutor today. At first, we're supposed to take the mock-prelim at consultation area. However, the consultation area weren't a conducive place to do it so we had change venue. To my astonishment, my beloved history tutor helped me with my barang barang and carried them and rushed to check if the venue was occupied. It's just mocks! MY DEAR! And yet I could feel his willingness and never say die spirit to ensure that we students do well for our papers! What really touches me is when i sent a sms to him and what he replied really makes me respect him.

I wrote:
"Mr - - - -...Pls don't put in too much effort in marking my script...i just writing rubbish...i think...sorry about that..."

He replied:
"I will still put in effort to mark as long as you do not give up."

This few words really make him a respectable teacher. I mean it! I just don't understand why none of his students appreciate him? I really feel bad when at times i also badmouth about him. I must admit that I didn't put in enough effort for history. And I can understand how disappointing to see your students didn't do well for their papers because they didn't put in effort at all as i am also a tutor overall.

I have been through so many major exams be it school mid-years, school final years, N levels, O levels. My instinct for this coming A level is really weird. The feeling that i can't comprehend! I also have realised how poor my english is? My handwriting is getting worst! My grammatical errors are coming back! My past-prefect tense! OH GOOOOSHHHH! I even come to a point of time asking myself this question," What am i doing in HC?" But wait, let me clarify! I never regret anything in my life. I never regret coming to HC okay! I am just grumbling! I always remember this saying "没有三两三，那赶上梁山？" I'm prepared for all this bullshit(or what u call stress pressure). Really! I just don't know why everything didn't go on that smoothy. It is really hard to imitate a 华中生. I really don't feel a sense of belonging in 华中. It is rather pressurizing to have 华中written all over your face where you know you do not have the knowledge. I rather be myself which means that I am going to heck about the final results! As long i tell myself i have tried my best 就对得起自己. Whatever the results going to be just 顺其自然. What i care now is the proccess. My experience with my 3 classes in HC were great! Seasons weren't the way I planned but never mind. What can be done now is just to cherish every single moments in school, getting-a-long, mugging at computer lab, mugging at class bench to late night or whatever! They are not going to vanish.

I realise that at the end of the day, all i have is myself. Yet i am terrified of losing what little i have. "It's hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from it."